Chaos Entwined
by Lilith Filth
Summary: Fools Suffer Alone
1. For You

**Author's Note: IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!** I feel like a 60 year old woman putting on her ballet shoes again. Strange metaphor, but **it feels like I haven't written in so long. And I don't know if I can, but I am going to try**. This story is entirely different than the Nocturnal Pulse series. **It is not a followup to Illuminati. This is a different story entirely and I hope you like it. **There should be **NO spoilers from Eclipse **in this story. I am aware that there are many people who have still to finish the book. HURRY UP, I say! But you should have no fear reading this fanfiction. I've been planning it long before Eclipse came out. Wow. Is it weird that I'm actually nervous? I'll get back into the swing of things soon. Meh. **I just want to get to the action! **I'm dying for some dark drama here. All in due time.UGH...you guys have NO idea how long it took me to write this short chapter. Weeks. I had to force myself. But it's done. Thank gawd! **Thanks once again for the supporters of my other stories. You stuck by me, no matter how messed up they are. Happy reading/writing and MUCH love!**

**1. FOR YOU**

A part of me felt dead. Gone. I didn't know how to move on. My friend and companion was being dragged away from me right before my eyes. This was a horrible dream. A nightmare. This wasn't real. I would wake up soon. Anytime now. But reality stung as I placed my fingers to the cold glass and felt the shock of the chill. This was all too real. I watched with disdain from my bedroom window as the bad men with jumpsuits came and began to harness something to the back of my truck before dragging it away.

"How the hell am I going to live in Forks without a car?..." I bickered. A lump began to rise in my throat.

"I don't want to take Charlie's cop car to school..." My voice broke while saying this, and at once I felt a pair of cool arms surround me. I felt foolish that something like this upset me. But it did. It was the first thing Charlie had given to me when I arrived in this rainy town. It wasn't the prettiest thing on the road, but it did get me from point A to point B. It was strong. Dependable.

"If I had known that Rusty had sputtered creaked for the last time yesterday...I might have driven a little longer..." I hiccuped against the wonderfully cold and hard chest. Completely void of a heartbeat. It was at this time I heard a small snicker. I looked up and my boyfriend's face was completely straight.

"What?" I stared at him with a hard expression.

"Nothing...Everything will be fine, love..." He said. Then he twined his chilled fingers into my hair and pulled my face closer to his chest. I let his little chuckle go and rested against him. Using the small silence to mourn my truck just one last time.

"You called your truck Rusty?..." He mused. I looked up at him once more and the serious face remained. He was a good actor.

"Well...it was... rusty...y'know?" I shrugged. Edward nodded.

"He was old. He lived a good long life...Lots of mileage..." The auburn haired prince to my side whispered as if he were paying his respects. I nodded sadly as well before I noticed that he was probably poking fun at me. I sighed and began to bite at my nails. Forcing myself to refrain from saying anything that I would regret. But my thoughts were bitter. I wished very, very bad things for him and his ridiculous Volvo. He must have sensed my discomfort as I hobbled away from the window and over my unkempt bed, because after I sat down on the edge of the mattress, he kneeled before me, pulled my fingers from my mouth and cupped my face in his hand.

"I'm sorry..." He frowned. His beautiful eyes shone out at me. As if they were trying to reach out and pull me into portals of ocher happiness.

"Are you really? You've wanted my truck out of the picture for ages now." I hissed at him. At once, the corners of my boyfriend's lips turned down. Even though I was upset, it made me feel guilty that I made him feel guilty. This made no sense. With him, all my emotions were so splayed. I was not in control of myself. I wasn't even me. That's the thing about being in love with a vampire. They can put their feet in their mouths all the time, and ultimately you will be the one to feel bad about what _they _said, only because they're too perfect and beautiful to ever do anything wrong in your eyes.

"Bella, you know I hate to see you upset. For any reason at all. I'm sorry..."

"You're forgiven..." I whispered. At once, as if some sort of penance were payed, Edward stood up and made himself a place on my bed. I turned my head to see him. It still struck awe in me. A man so gorgeous and otherworldly, lying in my bed. Looking absolutely perfect. Looking at me. I couldn't even find humor in the way his legs dangled off the end of the bed. There was another silence that lingered in the air. I had no need to fill it. I felt quite comfortable sitting there in silence with my immortal boyfriend. Slowly he reached out to me and pulled me down in a laying position with him. Content, I cradled my body to his and inhaled deeply as if the wonderful smell coming off him would soon be spent.

"You know..." Edward whispered, almost seductively in my ear. "Rosalie is working on an '82 Mercedes..." It took me a while before I got where he was getting at. I sat up and stared at him.

"Edward!" I shrilled. My car was just towed away and already he was talking alternatives.

"It's red. And old. And kind of rusty.." He pushed casually. Resting his hands behind his head. "If you let me make a phone call, I can stop her from getting the paint job redone."

"Edward!" I shrieked again. "Baby steps! Let my truck stay in the scrap yard for a while before we start making any brash decisions! Besides, I wouldn't ask Rosalie to just _give _me the car. She hates me enough already. She doesn't need me stealing her cars too."

"She doesn't keep them all. Could you imagine how many cars we'd have if she did? She enjoys fixing them more than anything. And she doesn't _hate _you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind-"

"Edward..." I began.

"Alright. Okay. The offer is still there should you ever need it."

"Thank you." I said. Intentionally making my voice hard. I began to pull myself out of the bed and saunter over to the window again just to make sure my truck was really gone. Before I could part the yellowed lace, I was back on the bed again with cold arms around me. The feeling was nice, but I did feel slightly annoyed that I wasn't more mobile. Felt as if I had been tugged back and forth for weeks by vampires.

"You really should let me spoil you.." He breathed into my neck. Making himself irresistible. "You might enjoy it."

At that, he hoisted me onto the bed and rested my legs in his lap. I leaned up on my elbows and watched as he very carefully removed the leg brace from my right leg. It wasn't supposed to come off until tomorrow , but it felt so good having the thing off. I wanted to go walk around right now. Did one day really make a difference? I inwardly thanked Alice for making me continue to shave my mangled leg in the shower, as Edward's fingers stroked the length of it.

"Carlisle is going to kill you.." I mumbled with my eyes closed. It felt so good to have his cool hands on me. It seemed to me as if the brace had warped my leg the wrong way instead of setting it right.

"If you don't tell him, he won't know.." Edward smirked.

I lay back and rejoiced in the feeling of the gentle ice massage my boyfriend was giving me. I hummed silently and closed my eyes. I regretted it. When my eyes closed, I subconsciously went back to the time and place I had shattered my leg in the first place. The darkness of the room, and the way the smallest amount of light seemed to splinter off into different directions as they hit the mirrored walls of the studio. His face. His blood red eyes. His tricks and lies unfolding. Telling me that my mother was safe, and that he only wanted me. And the threats. How he was going to make my death slow and drawn out. Speaking of the body he was going to leave behind for Edward and his family to find. Fear in all it's abundance found me, as I was thrown into a wall. Splinters of glass rained down on me in a shower of pain. Cutting. Slicing. And then the forlorn feeling of helplessness and surrender as a set of razor sharp teeth cut into me like knives. So sharp that I couldn't even feel it. Yet so sharp that I could feel nothing but it. And the throbbing pain of my cracked ribs and broken leg, giving way to the burning fire that scorched it's way through my hand and parting off into every vein in my body. Making me scream and writhe.

I twitched myself awake when I felt Edward's lips touch my forehead. He looked down at me with such a worried expression that I didn't even bother to tell him I was fine and brush it off. I wasn't fine. I was scared. Scared that James, Victoria or Laurent might come back and finish what was started, and that Edward and his family would get hurt in the process. My wrist began to prickle, and nervously, I began to rub at the crescent moon scar that lay there. Paler than the rest of my skin. Cooler. And seeming to have a slight shimmer.

"You don't need to be afraid.." Edward whispered. My eyes met his, and they were filled with so much adoration and protection I didn't even know what to say. His love was so strong it blew me out of the water. It scared me how much he loved me. It scared me even more how much I loved him.

"I'll never let anything harmful ever touch you again.."

"That's just another thing that worries me.." I whispered. "How much you would be willing to give up and sacrifice to save my life.."

"It's my fault why you're always in so much danger to begin with. Your life would be much safer, you know. If you weren't in love with me. Much more simple"

"Mmm..simple in the way that I would have to do nothing but lay still in a coffin forever." I said. Edward winced. He didn't like the thought of that, I assumed.

"I'm sure your life was much more simple before me as well.." I said quietly.

"Ha." Was all he said in response. Then he turned his face slowly to my direction. "I don't know how I've lived 105 years without you."

"Quite simply. You didn't know I existed until earlier this year. You can't really miss something you don't know is there." Edward shook his head.

"No. I mean, I could have really used a woman like you in my life when I was first created. To hold me down. To stop me from doing the stupid and irresponsible things I did."

I assumed he was speaking now about his days of rebellion. The decade he spent away from Carlisle to sew his primal oats. He never spoke too deeply about those times, so I also assumed that each day was full of blood and carnage. I could imagine it now. A beautiful and aristocratic vampire wandering the dark streets of his hometown in Chicago. Picking off the murderers and vagabonds one by one. Stalking beneath grey skies for unjust thoughts that would give him reason and pleasure to kill. I sifted for some words of comfort now as I watched him stare up at my textured ceiling.

"You helped a lot of people..You saved lives."

"I ended hundreds.."

"They deserved it." I said, with a sting to my voice.

"That wasn't for me to decide.." Edward said, looking over to me. Trying to pressure me with his eyes to see his resolve. But I couldn't. I couldn't ever feel badly, or wish that, that part of his life didn't exist. I couldn't feel remorse for the people he killed. And it shocked me.

"I'd do it all over again though...For you." He whispered. He looked like he was outside himself. Not even talking to me.

I stared at him hard. My expression incredulous. I knew he would do it. He would torture, kill and die for me. I knew it. It was a scary yet comforting thought. All men told their girlfriends and wives that they would do and give up anything for them. I actually had a boyfriend who would do those things for me. And it was nerve wracking. Edward's eyes looked childishly to me then. And an adorable half-smile spread over his lips.

"You don't believe me?" He asked gently. Yet his tone was daring, as if he would go out and prove himself right away if I didn't.

"No- I mean yes- I...was just thinking, actually, about what you _wouldn't _do for me." I whimpered meekly. My love's half-smile spread into my favorite crooked smile. Edward pushed himself onto his elbow and leaned over me. He ran his lips up and down my jaw. My heart stopped, stuttered, and then began to race full speed as his lips touched my neck gently like butterfly wings. Then I got the point. The only thing he wouldn't do for me is the only thing I really wanted from him.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." I muttered breathlessly. I rejoiced in the sound of Edward's playful laughter, but frowned. "You'll do it one day. You have to."

"Do I?" He mused, fixing his arms behind his head again. His raised eyebrow showed his amusement and his annoyance. Still, I continued.

"Mhmm.." I nodded. "One day, the thought of sharing a bed with a seventy year old woman is going to scare you into biting me."

"Do I need to remind you again that I've been alive for over a century? Seventy years is nothing."

"It's nothing when you don't_ look_ it." I moped and shuddered as I thought of looking into a mirror, and having wrinkles and snow white hair looking back at me. Gross. What would people say when they saw Edward and I together? Or would we lie for their convenience and say that I was his grandmother? The thought nearly made me sick. I was already distinctly imperfect when I stood beside him. To look even a few years older than him would widen the gap even more.

"Do I seem like a superficial person to you?" He asked with that same surely smile. I didn't answer.

"Well...I guess not. You're dating me." I muttered. Edward's eyes got wide and angry.

"Bella Marie Swan! How _dare _you?" He hissed. I was shocked by his response. I couldn't even move my lips. "You have no idea how absolutely...exquisite you are, do you? Of how many men at Forks High hate my guts just because I'm lucky enough to have you! Foolish. That's what you are. But never anything but gorgeous and wonderful. How could you ever?-" I unwillingly began to blush. I honesty did not expect him to react so strongly. Edward must have realized my surprise and began to change the subject. But I still couldn't let go of what he had said. I always knew he thought I was _pretty_. But _gorgeous_?

"-Everything I do is for your own good. I never want to do anything that would hurt you for a minute. And that includes having you suffer in my arms for three days before becoming a blood thirsty monster like me."

"Monster..." I scoffed, looking down at my bed sheets. "And you're putting your foot down." I noted, hearing the finality in his words.

"That's right." He said. With that, he sat up and snatched up my leg brace from the floor. My heart sank as I realized he was going to put it back on me. No. Not now. The feeling of freedom was amazing. He couldn't cage me back up in that thing again. Quickly I crawled to the edge of my bed to evade him. My speed must have startled even him, because his eyes widened at how quickly I had moved away. I wasn't a speedy person by nature like he was. I was just desperate to keep that device of restraint and torture off of me.

"Bella.." he said in a controlled and patient tone. I didn't care. I wouldn't go back in it without a struggle.

"Bella, darling. Do you want me to get in trouble with Carlisle?" He said in a silky voice. Like trying to bribe a naive child with candy. It worked. I had a slight moment of hesitation. Staring at his mouth and the pretty, yet deadly teeth inside them. It almost distracted me from the fact that Edward was slowly inching towards me. A very human thing to do, for him.

"Tell him I did it." I said defiantly. I began to slip from my bed. Carefully, yet quickly. I almost slipped. The feeling of standing on my own two feet without the brace after so long was foreign. Edward caught me- as quick as lightening - in his stony arms, bridal styke. Somehow, still managing to hold onto the brace. I tried to distract him by pressing my lips against his neck over and over again. I purred against him and bit his earlobe gently.

"You know... I would do anything for _you_ too.." I giggled, hoping he would find me irresistible enough to let me go without the brace. But in my head, I just sounded like an idiot.

"Would you?" Edward taunted. A hint of a smile in his voice.

"Mhmm..anything. Don't you believe me?"

"Of course I do." Edward smiled. Then I felt him press me into the softness of my mattress. I tried to move my legs around spastically, so he wouldn't be able to catch the previously injured one. It didn't work. I felt soft, marble hands on my right leg for about three seconds before I looked down and saw the brace back into place.

"Thank you for being such a good sport while letting me put your brace back on." He smiled innocently and sunk his head down to touch his lips to the skin on my knee. I looked away and pretended that the marrow in my bones weren't turning to mush as he did this.

"I hate you." I mumbled. Obviously lying.

"I love you too, Bella." Edward laughed.


	2. Secret Kisses

**Author's Note:** I had fun writing this one. My mind kept buzzing with possibilities. It's fun to just be able to write with no blocks and no restraints. This author's note will be fairly short, as **no one has really asked many questions besides "What's going to happen?" And honestly, I cannot say. Where's the fun in that? **Stay tuned. Thank you so much for your support and constructive criticisms. It's much appreciated. Happy reading/writing, and much love to you all.

**2. SECRET KISSES**

_My hot breath touched the air and broke into a cloud of vapor. It was cold. Freezing in the woods that I wandered. And everything dark. Instinctively I threw my own arms around myself, and I shuddered when I felt that my arms were bare. So were my feet. The only barrier between my body and the fierce nip of the air was a thin, silk nightgown. Frost dusted the bark and branches of the thick trees that surrounded me, and I brushed my fingers over them. I held onto them, and let them guide my way. They helped to keep me from falling down. The chatter of my teeth, and the trembling of my fingers seemed to send out a resounding echo. The forest stirred. Knowing that something dwelled inside it, that didn't belong. I licked my lips, and they were as icy as death. But I felt the prickling in my skin, and I knew that I was still alive and human. There was something else, as well. The taste of iron. My bottom lip was bleeding. Or was it someone else's blood? I gagged, and wiped it off with the back of my hand and saw the brilliant contrast between the red of my blood, and the pale white of my skin, glowing in the eerie moonlight. What was I doing here? The more I walked, the more I seemed to go in circles. And when I realized that I had seen the same mangled and crooked tree more than twice, I began to whimper in fear. _

"_A kiss for you, a kiss for me..." A voice reverberated off the air. Such a strange, dry voice. I had never heard it in my life. It was scary, yet beautiful. _

"_A kiss for you, a kiss for me." Neither female, nor male. _

"_A kiss for you...kiss...kiss...kiss me, Bella." _

_I screamed and began to run. But the feeling of freezing cold, mixed with the sensation of stepping on the twigs and dried leaves on the ground, made me feel as if I were trampling through glass. And as I ran, dark figures began to pull at me. Pull at the silk I was wearing until it ripped. Pull at my hair, and my arms, leaving lashes and welts. Then immense pain began to pierce through me as I felt something hard. Beating into my back. Rocks? Fists? I screamed in pain. Tears clouded my eyes and I could not see where I was going. Everything was just an awful, painful blur. I tripped over something, and rolled down a hill. I fell. Fell. Fell forever before landing in something soft. A comforting smell surrounded me and for a moment, I felt I was safe. I opened my eyes and sat up. When I did, I gasped. Here, I lay in a bed of light purple flowers. The petals were as soft as my nightgown. They stretched as far as the eye could see. Thriving in the frost. Blowing in the wind. There was nothing but my bed of flowers and the hazy moon shining above. I began to smile. Then something hit me hard in the chest. The air left my body in a sharp exhale. I couldn't breathe. _

"_A kiss for you, a kiss for me." I felt a hard figure press me into the ground. That same, awful voice was back. I closed my eyes tight. I knew that this...thing wanted to kill me. And there was nothing that I could do about it. But I wouldn't look. I had a feeling that if I opened my eyes, I would see the most horrifying, ugly and awful thing that I had ever seen in my life. So my eyes stayed glued shut. I felt icy hands run up and down my arms. So gentle, yet scaley and rough. The hands ran over my chest and down my stomach while the same singsongy chant kept ringing in my ears._

"_A kiss for you, a kiss for me...What is yours, is what I need." Then I felt rough lips on mine, and razor sharp teeth, sinking into my lips." _

The evil chanting soon gave way to birds chirping outside my window and the rain falling on the pavement. Slowly and cautiously, I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. White ceiling. Blue walls. Old computer. Cluttered dresser. An open window. Beside the open window, sitting in my old rocking chair was the only beautiful thing in the entire room. He was watching me carefully, and when my eyes met his, he smiled brightly.

"Good morning.." He said. That same gorgeous smile didn't leave his face.

"G'morning.." I sighed. I stretched my legs and rubbed my eyes. Trying to bring myself to a reasonably coherent state. I frowned as I realized when I was finished stretching, that I was still alone on the bed. Edward was looking at me carefully again. Today he was looking perfect in a pair of blue jeans, a dark top of some kind, and a black jacket. I just wanted to burry myself in him right now. To smell him and feel his marble arms hold me tight. He was so beautiful. Even when he looked worried. I reached out my hand to him, weakly.

"Come here.." I grumbled. One of the corners of his lips turned up to an adorable smirk as he lifted himself from the white, wooden rocking chair and made his way over to me. I slowly sat up as I felt the mattress sink ever so slightly with the weight of my boyfriend's body. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him effortlessly until I was sitting on his lap.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. I don't know why I was whispering. Charlie was long gone at work. Perhaps it was that I wanted to preserve the tranquil sound of rain falling outside. Blowing cool and breathable air into this closed space. Edward's fingers ran through my messy hair. Then to my cheeks that were slowly feeling more and more flushed at his icy touch. His fingers brushed over my forehead, pushing stray strands of hair out of the way. And then underneath and over the lids of my eyes.

"I'm fine, thank you." He breathed. His breath smelled delicious. I wanted him to kiss me, but I also wanted to break away so I could shower and brush my teeth first.

"You look tired, though." Edward noted. Were my eyes bloodshot? It felt like they were burning.

"I didn't sleep very well last night, I guess."

"You were very restless." Edward nodded. "You kept tossing and turning. You were having a bad dream, I think. I tried to wake you up, but you were in too deep. I didn't want to scare you awake, so I just left you be." He said. His eyes looked remorseful.

"Mm...I'm fine. Thanks for trying. I don't even remember the dream, anyways."

Edward pressed his lips to my cheek eagerly once more, before he released me. Knowing from the slight change in atmosphere- me being fully awake- that it was time to get ready. Today was a big day. And I felt it even more once I was showered and dressed, making my way happily downstairs to the kitchen. Edward sat at the table already, reading today's paper, a little damp with rain. I moved quietly around the kitchen looking for something edible. I found a box of instant oatmeal sitting in the back of a cupboard and decided to cook a bowl for myself quickly over the stove.

"Read anything interesting?" I asked as I mixed a little cinnamon powder into the thick mixture.

"Same ol', same ol." He muttered. "That's Forks for you. The world around us is more clueless than you think though, Bella. If there is ever anything for _us _to fear, it won't be in the town newspaper." He was right. It was as if my world with the Cullens was separate from the rest of the world. My life was one that ninety percent of the world's population wouldn't understand. The other ten percent was part of this mystical world of mine. Filled with mythology, magic, mystery and never-ending danger. And if trouble ever decided to rear it's ugly head, it wouldn't give any warning like a letter from an editor, or evidence of the aftermath for the obituaries. I watched him carefully as my breakfast began to simmer and saw the corner of his lips twitch as his eyes briefly grazed the comic section. With a small smile I turned to the stove and began to scoop out some breakfast for myself and placing it into a bowl.

"There are a couple interesting looking movies playing though." He said, pushing the paper towards me. I looked them over. It didn't take me long before I knew what I wanted to see.

"This one. Tonight. After I've had my brace removed? We can walk. I can walk! Let's walk to the theater tonight!" I said, excitedly pointing to a small black and white picture of the movie poster. Edward stared at it with a humored expression and then looked at me.

"Bella, for goodness sake. You have enough magic and abnormality in your life as is. You have to bring it into your days off as well?" He joked.

I smirked and picked up my spoon from my bowl. Putting some of it's contents into my mouth. It was okay. It would have tasted better with some raisins.

"I like the books!" I defended myself. "...Besides..." I continued, looking at an ad that was probably meant to be colorful. Women with bob hairdos stood posing for the camera.

"I don't do musicals." I scrunched up my nose in distaste.

"Thank God for that." Edward concurred. "Now eat your oatmeal before it gets cold."

It wasn't long before we were in his silver Volvo, streaking through the cold rain. My fingers played in the palm of his free hand. Making patterns and trying to see if he was at all tickled by the sensation. He merely smiled at my attempt and kept his eyes on the road. I felt so stupid now as I found myself gazing at him lovingly again. For a handful of months now, he had been mine. And still I felt like I was dreaming. I must be in an asylum somewhere, dreaming up this perfect guy with this perfect face, and a perfect voice, who's love was also, absolutely perfect.

Every girl dreams of having a bad boy fall in love with her, and then change for the better. It was hard for me to fathom, but it was true; My boyfriend at one point in his undead life, had been a "bad boy". I could imagine it now. Calling him this to his face, and his expression as he would laugh musically, then let his lips form a straight line. Then he would raise his eyebrows and correct me candidly by simply saying something along the lines of: "I ate bad boys for breakfast." I smirked inwardly at the thought. Then frowned as I realized it was absolutely true. But I just couldn't imagine it! He had been good long before we even met. Even when we were faced with some sort of danger, he kept his sense of composure and decorum by his side. Always so suave and serene. Still, he made it a priority to remind me of what he once was. Though, he never went into detail with it. Ever. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know every inch of him. Even the messy and ugly bits. Though I doubt there was any. Everything about him was wonderful.

"You're awfully quiet.." Edward said as we reached a stop light. "What are you smiling about?" He grinned, looking over to me sweetly. I lowered my head and felt my hair fall before my face, hiding my cherry red cheeks.

"Bella?" Edward asked. His eyebrows furrowed and confused. I heard the tinge of worry in his voice. "Bella, are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine..." I nodded slowly. He didn't believe me.

"Bella, just tell me. Please. Because if there's any-"

"I'm fine. Really" I said in a more cheerful voice so he would believe me.

Edward exhaled deeply as if a load had been taken off his shoulders, and began to speed up on the road again. "Bella, honestly. You have to stop doing that to me." He said. "I'm not used to this yet." He said, shaking his head. Probably wishing with all his might that he would someday be able to read my thoughts. For once, I was just going to let him in. With no mincing of words. If I could just gather up the courage...

"I want you to tell me what it was like.." I whispered. I rubbed his hand gently with my thumb so as to soothe him into answering me. He merely rolled his eyes.

"What, what was like, Bella?" He asked. Hinting that I missed the most important part of the question.

"What your life was like..after you left Carlisle." I whispered. I prepared for the inevitable. The hardness, thought, and seriousness in his eyes. Tightening of the jaw. Silence. And I got it very quickly. All in the appropriate order. I sighed and looked out the window.

"Leaving Carlisle's side..." Edward began, sooner than I expected. "Was not my brightest moment." He said simply. I could tell he was having a little difficulty with this. And I didn't want him to be. I wanted to know everything there was to know about him, without him feeling insecure around me. And after this short time we had been together, I felt like that one thing was the only piece missing from the puzzle of his life. I moved myself closer to him as he drove and looked up to him. He made complete eye contact with me. Not paying attention to the road.

"You don't need to hide from me.." I whispered. Edward shook his head as he fought some invisible battle with himself.

"No.." He whispered. "_You _should be hiding from _me_." I shook my head. Refusing to believe him. But I remained silent. Wishing for him to continue. I let him take his own time.

"The world I was born into wasn't a good one.." He started. What a depressing beginning. I waited to hear more. "My life was happy though. As far as I can remember, anyways. My mother and father loved me very much. I was raised never having to worry about money, hunger.. or...illness.." He said quietly. I exhaled deeply. Knowing now that he never worried about it before. Illness was the very thing that nearly killed him.

"My mother was a good-natured person I can say, from what little memory I have. She protected me. Sheltered me as best she could. But she could only do so much. I watched very closely, the world around me. I listened to the political conversations and arguments my father and his friends had in the sitting room with their expensive cigars and crystal glasses filled with brandy. I realized all the boys who went to school with me were the same. Rich. And quite unaware - or uncaring - of what was happening just next door. War. Famine. Poverty. And I didn't like it. Everywhere around me were cruel and mean people. And there were people fighting in other countries. Fighting without honor. Fighting without the hope of peace, but dominance. Just...fighting for the sake of fighting.

"It was at the age of 14 that I truly realized the degree of how cruel some people could be. And I wanted it to stop. I wanted to join the military. But I was too young. So I waited. And waited. But by the time I was seventeen, World War One was just coming to an end and the Influenza epidemic hit..." He said. I could sense the tension in his voice. This was the hard part. I didn't know if it was because he couldn't remember, or because he could remember so vividly that the memories hurt. I squeezed his hand gently and he squeezed back.

"I first knew there was something wrong when my father couldn't go to work. He always had a fair mixture of work and home. Which was a commendable thing for a man back then. Especially for the field of work he was in." I nodded. I knew his father had been a fairly good lawyer back then.

"But he did love his work. And when that stopped, so did everything else. He was pale. And when he coughed, he coughed up blood. And... when he inhaled, his insides seemed to...rattle noisily. Needless to say, he wasn't well. But my mother tried her best. She loved my father. She never left his side." I frowned deeply. Feeling very sorry for Edward and his father after whom he was named. I understood what Edward was saying about the world being cruel. Life wasn't fair.

"It wasn't long before I got it too. I woke up one night in a cold sweat and pain..all over me. It didn't stop. It just got worse and worse. I-I couldn't even walk." Edward said. I felt tears building in my eyes and a lump in my throat. My loving boyfriend took time to separate himself from his own pain and kiss the top of my head. Letting me know it was okay.

"My mother began showing signs of the condition..after my father passed. I would always tell her. 'Mother, you need to go see a doctor too.' But she would always smile and tell me to sleep. She didn't take care of herself. She didn't even have time to mourn her husband. She only took care of me. I was her first priority.." He said with a frown. Then he stopped talking. I hiccupped lightly. This was the longest silence that had passed in a while.

"That's really all I remember..." Edward whispered before drying another tear of mine. "Everything after that was my life as a vampire. I was with Carlisle before I knew it. The most strong and wise man I had ever met. In many ways he reminded me of my birth mother and father combined...Especially my mother.." He smiled sadly. "Don't tell him I said that." I nodded and vowed I never would. I wouldn't breathe a word of anything he said to me in this car. No matter what.

"He was so just and kind in every decision he ever made. But it angered me. I thought that as a vampire...we had the power to change the world. Just like what I had wanted while I was a human boy. I was a young vampire then. Naive. The idea of forever seemed not long enough. All I could focus on was the now. The speed and the strength and the freedom I had now that the disease in my body was gone. Not to mention hearing people's thoughts. Every deep dark secret and desire was unveiled to me. It was just...neat." He smirked, though he seemed displeased with his younger self. "I wanted to use what I had to purge the world of what I thought was wrong. And Carlisle seemed to be the perfect ally. But he would not join me. I thought that he was wasting the gift he was given, and it made me angry. So I left.."

I nodded. Silently. I still understood where he was coming from. And had I been a vampire at the time, I would have probably joined him. However strange it may be, I saw some light in Edward's dark purpose. Edward paused. But I knew that things were unfinished. There was more. I turned my body more fully to him.

"I spent almost five years away from Carlisle and his new wife, Esme. 'Putting my gift to use'. And there is no way to dull down or soften the blow of what I did during that time, Bella." Edward breathed. His head lowered. Through this time, Edward's fingers hadn't disconnected from mine. It seemed as if we both needed this small amount of comfort.

"I killed. I slaughtered people. I drank from them." He said.

"Edward..." I said. Speaking for the first time throughout this whole story. I wanted to know his story, yes. But I never wanted him to feel guilty while telling it.

"You did what you thought was right. Those were horrible people. You did nothing wro-"

"No, Bella." Edward hissed. His head was lowered. Staring at our touching hands. "You don't understand.." It looked to me as if he were shaking now. But before I could really notice, he let go of me.

"I want to understa-"

"I _liked _it, Bella. I had..._fun_." He spat out the last word like poison. My heart skipped a beat. I didn't know what to say. Edward must have noticed the pause in my breathing because he shook his head in a kind of shame and rested his hands on the steering wheel. I could tell he was trying to restrain himself from breaking it.

"It was like the blood of humans turned me into something else. Like the blood of my victims made me as bad as them. I was _evil_. I took pride in hunting down people who hurt others. Especially those who hurt people like you. Like my mother, who were so good and pure. I listened to their minds to find out just how dirty and cruel they were, and I punished and tortured them accordingly. The blacker the soul, the harsher the punishment." He said in a mere whisper. I reached out a trembling hand to touch his head, but slowly he flinched away. Not in a way that suggested he didn't want to be touched, but in a way that suggested he didn't feel worthy to be touched.

"I killed people of the worst caliber. Rapists, murderers, abusers. You name it, I've killed one." He said.

It was just now that I noticed that the car was parked outside the Cullen home. My second home. Did anyone inside know Edward's story? He was having such a hard time talking about it, that I highly doubted he did. He could stop now. I was just upsetting him. I never wanted to. But to tell him that it was okay, and that he didn't have to say anything else would be like blocking up an ocean. Perhaps right now it would just be better for him to get all of this off his chest.

"But I guess...at times..I was just so caught up in the blood and the pain...that I didn't do a thorough job.." He muttered. "I've created more monsters than I tried to destroy. In myself...In others.." He said. I held my breath. What did he mean?

"Edwar- wait. What do you mean?"

Edward's sad and angry eyes met mine. He was shaking. It was a horrible thing to see. He was my rock. My knight in shining armor. To see him so defenseless and broken made me want to die.

"I'm so sorry, Bella..." He whispered. He picked up my hand in his once more and bowed his head. Kissing my knuckles gently. "I'm sorry.." He muttered.

"For what?" I whispered with tears in my voice. "Edward, it's okay...I still love you. Nothing has changed. You didn't do anything wrong.." I leaned forward and kissed him all over his face. On his forehead. On his cheeks. On his lips. Anything to console his broken mind. Edward pushed me away gently and placed his hands back on the steering wheel. He looked straight ahead. Glancing out through the window shield. Past the pouring rain.

"Bella..." Edward whispered. I had to lean closer to him to hear him. My heart was thudding I wanted to take away all his pain. And then I heard those words slip from his beautiful mouth, and my world span.

"Bella...I made James."


	3. Inhale

**Author's Note:** Whoo. I had a lot of fun writing that last chapter. It was like my fingers were typing of their own accord. It was great.** To answer a few questions: **Yes, **the movies in the newspaper **were Harry Potter and Hairspray haha. Kudos to those of you who got that. **Will Jacob be coming back? **Umm...I don't know. I really don't know. So far I've just been taking/writing things as they come. [Which is kinda scary. I usually plan things out very thoroughly. **I don't even know why I wrote in that little part about James. **I guess it just seemed fun at the time. sighs So we'll see. **How did you like Eclipse? **Umm...it broke my heart a little bit. And I see a lot of the characters _very _differently now. Even Edward. But I'll be okay. Heh. And I've been forgetting my disclaimers! Ah!

**I do not own Twilight nor any of it's characters**. Please, please, please, people...do remember that this is my crazy New Moon world. I'm not Stephenie, and our writing will not always coincide perfectly. **Thank you all for your support**. I haven't had many angry reviews yet. Which is making me feel rather empty inside. Haha. **Thanks guys. Happy reading/writing and unequivocal love!**

**3. INHALE**

I couldn't breathe. What was he saying? This couldn't be true. I knew it wasn't What was going on inside that head of his?

"Edward, no. No. You didn't." I said. But my voice sounded pleading. Like I was begging him to tell me it wasn't true. He stared out the window. Avoiding my gaze.

"He-" My boyfriend paused. Sorting through his words. "..he was one of the first humans I killed. Just after my change. Carlisle and I were in New Orleans. Visiting some old friends of his. Everything was well. Except for one thing. For weeks the newspapers had been headlined with news of a serial rapist, just East of us in Mississippi. Times were different back then, though, Bella. It was always a woman's word against a man's. The odds were never good. I felt as if I had to do something. I couldn't just let him- Not while I was so close.." He trailed off. "Carlisle was always lenient with me. I made up some sad excuse to leave him for three days and three nights. And I looked for him. And I found him. And I killed him. Or so I thought." Edward said. He paused. I said nothing. I noticed that my hands were shaking so I slid them beneath my thighs and sat on them nervously.

"James- He didn't recognize me that day in the field. Because I left him. Thinking he was dead. But as soon as I saw him, I remembered his face. Carlisle never knew I was killing humans long before I left. He still doesn't know." He whispered. Humiliation prickling his voice. "Now do you see? I'm a monster...he could have killed you. And it's my fault." Edward whispered. "I took his life. And made him into a killer like me. If I had been more responsible. If I had stayed and made sure I finished the job. God! I might as well have just attacked you myself in that studio.." This didn't make any sense. I exhaled a shuddering breath.

"Edward, look at me." I whispered. He refused. He continued to squeeze the steering wheel. I slid my hands forth, took hold of his him, and forcibly turned his face to meet mine.

"Edward..." I said, breathlessly. He began to shake his head as if fighting some inner turmoil. Why was he doing this? I knew Edward had a very guilty mind. He didn't ever do anything to hurt anyone. But if circumstances ever took a wrong turn, he would find a way to blame himself. But I didn't. It was an accident. He was protecting helpless and defenseless women whom that evil and hideous James was stalking. His only fault was caring briefly for people he didn't even know. I thought briefly of the dark hair and heart-tugging smile on the villain's human face as he stalked, raped and killed innocent women without being discovered. What kind of person would Edward be to witness it and do nothing?

Then I thought of the horrors he caused as a vampire. The pain James would have caused Edward's sister Alice, had someone from the asylum not bitten her first. But I couldn't blame my wonderful boyfriend for that. I would feel more deeply disappointed in him if he left the tracker be. I shook my head sadly. I wouldn't even think on it for another moment.

"Edward, he's gone.." I whispered. "It doesn't matter." Edward opened his eyes and looked at me. His earthshattering ocher eyes invaded my boring brown. There was nothing different about them. Same old Edward. He still gave me chills, no matter how devastated he was.

"You say that so often.." He whispered delicately. "What will it take for you to be scared of me and turn away?" He asked, sinking his chilled cheeks into my palms. Finally giving up and letting me hold him.

"It's as if you're waiting for me to leave you..." I whispered.

"Why aren't you?" He said quietly. I could tell by his voice that he was still hurting. My heart sank. My fingers slipped from his face and I stared at him with a look of hurt and shock.

"Because I love you." I said in an obvious and defeated tone. "And you love me..." I said. It was silent for a moment in the car and my heart began to pound again. Possibly even harder than it had while he was telling me his story, or after he told me of the monster he created.

"...don't you?" I asked, finally. Still awaiting his answer. Tears began to flood my eyes again. Edward looked at me for the longest time before putting his arms around me and holding me as tightly as his strength would allow, without crushing me.

"More than anything." Edward breathed as he held me. "I guess I am waiting for you to leave. To save yourself from me.." Edward whispered. "But I was too much of a coward to tell you this before. Because this time I was sure you would..." He laughed bitterly against my shoulder. His chilled skin rubbed against mine and I closed my eyes.

"That will never happen. You have saved my life in a way that no one ever has or ever will...I will love you forever." I whispered. "You made a mistake. And you fixed it. And it's over...You're a hero.." I soothed. Edward said nothing for a while. Probably thinking that I was talking madness.

"I love you so much. The feeling hurts sometimes. It's strange...Yet wonderful.." He thought to himself as he played with a lock of my hair. Twisting it away from my face. I frowned slightly as I looked up at him.

"I don't want my love to hurt you.." I whispered. Edward smiled gently then and looked at me with adoration and sadness in his eyes.

"Nor do I.." He whispered. Then his sad smile faded away and became mournful altogether.

"Promise me, Bella..that if I ever hurt you like this again, that you'll leave me. I'm far too selfish to let go on my own, obviously.." I gasped at his request and pushed his hand away from my face grudgingly.

"Please, Bella?" He asked with his gorgeous eyes unblinking. I didn't even need to think of my answer.

"I will do no such thing." I said defiantly. "And besides..." I said, moving close to him again so our lips were almost touching. "You have yet to hurt or disappoint me." I whispered. Then I closed my eyes and let our lips smack together quickly. He stared at me with surprise.

"Now come on." I said, opening the car door. "I want to get this damn thing taken off my leg."

Immediately, Edward appeared on the other side and helped me out. With a heavy heart, I took his hand in mine and walked to the front entrance of the house. All the while, thoughts were buzzing around in my head. Edward made James. He killed him and made him immortal. And he didn't tell me. I should probably feel a little hurt. A little angry. And I felt horribly guilt ridden that I felt nothing of the sort. It even warmed my selfish heart at the thought that Edward kept this secret from me at fear of losing me. He wanted to keep me. He really loved me and wanted me in his life. Such strange logic.

Stepping into the Cullen household was much like walking onto the set of a movie or the backstage of a runway show. Beautiful people moved quickly every which way. But it was nice that they always slowed down to greet me with a hug or smile when I entered. I would forever remember the day I arrived here for the first time. The way Esme's face lit up. The way little Alice bobbed down the stairs. Jasper's distance. It was all so surreal. It also made me feel more at home and calm that they didn't try to be cautious around me all the time anymore. I was here in this house so often that I ate in the kitchen and napped in the couches. The vampires didn't even bother to hide their abilities from me, as they ran from one room to another in mere seconds. And it was all because of Edward. He no idea that he had given me so much more than love and protection. He gave me the opportunity to be part of something wonderful and bigger than myself. A big and complete family. Mother and father together. Brothers and sisters fighting and talking. Of course there were times in which I felt like nothing more than a groupie. Wanting to be a part of them even more, but being denied entry. That too was Edward's doing.

"Ugh.." I muttered as I stepped through the door. "I am _so _ready." Edward laughed lightly. It sounded strained. Was he still nervous over our little conversation in the car? My boyfriend unzipped my damp raincoat and slid it off my arms. Never breaking eye contact with me while doing so. I smiled at him and went on my toes to kiss him on the lips. Consoling him with my eyes and my actions that my thoughts and loves for him had not changed. He smiled weakly, but it was enough for me. I all but melted in his arms.

"Ew, not in front of the kids." I heard someone laugh from behind me. There stood Carlisle and his beautiful wife Esme. Both beaming at Edward and I. My face flushed with blood and I slowly tried to slink myself away from Edward. My boyfriend laughed as well, but refused to let me go. For a few moments there was silence, and I noticed that Carlisle was looking at his son carefully. Edward kept his serious composure but nodded so discretely, I had to second guess what I thought I had just saw. I rolled my eyes and exhaled loudly.

"Oh, I know, dear." Esme sighed before entwining her chilled and pale fingers between my own before pulling me away from the boys. "It's terribly annoying. They do it all the time. They share everything with each other, so I suppose they like to keep many of their conversations private. Come on. I'll make you a cup of tea." I nodded slowly. Some tea would be nice. Something to warm me up and calm me down. But nothing could stop the internal twitch I felt when Esme said that. Carlisle _didn't_ know everything about his son. Not at all. Not that it mattered. But I wouldn't be the one to tell.

I sat on one of the stools in the bright and clean kitchen and watched as Edward's mother danced from one end of the room to the other, preparing the hot drink for me. We discussed the sad passing of my truck and the car that Rosalie was putting together as we speak. It was all horribly depressing. Thankfully, Carlisle sauntered in before I could be too upset about my truck again. Medical bag in hand. Edward followed in after him, looking more calm. It made me happy. I took a small sip of the steaming herbal tea and frowned slightly as it burnt my tongue. He smiled gently at me before standing at my side.

"So today's the big day, then?" I smiled widely and tried to restrain myself from clapping my hands in excitement. Carlisle laughed as he sat across from me. He put his bag onto the marble table and opened it up. I don't know what he could possibly need all that stuff for.

"Alright." The youthful blonde man said. He slapped his knee with his hand, to indicate that's where he wanted me to put my foot. With a little bit of effort, I did so. He rolled up my pant leg, and carefully removed the plastic brace. I let out a squeal of glee as my leg was officially freed.

"Congratulations." Edward whispered into my hair as he kissed the top of my head. It took a few more moments for Dr. Cullen to gently bend my leg into different angles and tell him if it hurt or not. After that was done with no complications he took a small hammer-like tool from his bag and tapped my knee. I felt the familiar twang and my foot twitched. He confirmed that my reflexes were fine and I was good to go. Immediately I hopped off the stool, thanked Esme for the tea and Carlisle for his job well done.

I thought I would feel free and unrestrained after my brace was removed. I thought I would run and skip and jump. But I found as I exited the kitchen and entered the living room again, that I was walking much slower than usual.

"You won't break it again just by walking.." Edward said, rolling his eyes.

"Just being cautious." I mumbled. "You never know. Things seem to slip out of place quite often when it comes to me." Edward's crystal laughter serenaded me. It was then that a blur of white and blonde came whirring towards us. I jumped slightly, and when my eyes focused, I saw that it was Rosalie. Edward's most perfect and gorgeous sister, smirking sinisterly. No doubt chuckling a congratulations to herself for startling the poor human. I breathed out an exasperated sigh.

"Hi, Rosalie." I said, meaning to sound friendly. My salutation came out in a bit of a whimper. She was so intimidating. Her cold eyes graced me with a glance very briefly before giving me a sharp nod, and turning to her brother.

"Where are you turtles off to?" She asked with a smile. Obviously teasing the speed at which we were walking through the house. Edward shrugged in a very human-like way.

"We're just hanging around for now. Bella and I are going to catch a movie later. You and Emmet want to come with?" He asked politely. I knew what would come next. I felt her eyes fixate on me with hatred once more and momentarily. I looked to Edward and saw that he looked tense and rather annoyed.

"What do you want, Rose?" He asked with a sigh.

"It's done." The blonde said quietly. Then an action that looked very much like handshaking took place between Rosalie and Edward.

"Thanks." Was all my boyfriend said. Rosalie nodded quickly and walked away. Just then, Edward slunk his hand around my waist and pulled me with him up the stairs. We walked up a few flights until we reached the end of the hall on the third floor. I reached out my hand and turned the knob. Allowing myself entry. I loved his room. It was cozy, and warm and inviting. His light scent surrounded me and filled my senses. Like aroma therapy I could have gone to sleep at that moment. Fallen asleep against him.

"We have a few hours before the movie starts." Edward whispered from behind me. I felt a wonderful shiver work its way up my spine but tried to hide it. "What do you want to do?" I could swear that his velvety voice was implicating something, but I chose to dismiss it. There were too many times in which I could swear Edward meant something, and had to have him pry my hands off of him. I would rather not endure that embarrassment at the moment. Slowly I walked over to his music.

"Let's listen to something." I said. As I took a closer look at his selection, I noticed that he changed the order. Again. "Edward?..." I whispered, as I looked into the seemingly never ending shelves of records, cd's and everything in between. My boyfriend chuckled and ran his fingers through his unkempt hair.

"It's just arranged by genre today." He smiled. I nodded and began to look again.

Edward was patient. Looking out of the humongous glass wall to his meadowy backyard. Obviously taken away by his thoughts. Slowly I pulled a cd from its spot on the wall and opened the case. I never did like to touch Edward's things. I was always afraid I would break something. I delicately pressed the buttons on his large sound system with my pinkie finger and slid my disk of choice inside. It took a few seconds before the sounds of the saxophone, trumpet, and bass began to play. I had never been one for jazz until Edward introduced me to a number of groups that I actually enjoyed. This was one of them. I couldn't help but feel a pang of warmth and love as I watched him now. I loved everything about him. His light and wholehearted laugh. His soft, coppery hair. His glimmering eyes. No matter what color they were. I loved his fingers. And his nose. And his feet. And his stomach. He was perfect. Slowly, I smiled.

It was at that moment that the adonis turned around and met my gaze. His smooth lips turned up in a delicate smile. I exhaled slowly as he walked closer to me. My heart began to pound. In a moment. I was in his arms. My hands were in his. He kissed my knuckles. My palms, and my wrists before sliding my hands around his neck. Slowly, he moved his fingers over my sides before curling themselves around my waist. I hated to dance. Edward knew it. But no dancing right now meant no touching. And it felt too damn good with his arms around me to pull away now. So I pulled him closer and leaned my cheek against his chilled chest. Slowly we swayed to the music. But I felt like I was floating. Flying. I closed my eyes as I felt him breathe me in. His fingers ran up my back, making me shake. This didn't escape his notice. I heard him chuckle. He played with the ends of my hair ever so gently. Slowly he pulled away from me so he could better see my face. I was embarrassed when he did. My face felt extremely hot. His lips touched my forehead and he whispered.

"..You're a goddess..." He whispered. The breath left my lungs. I felt light headed. "Inhale, Bella..." He said quietly again. I did as I was told. Then he brushed his lips across mine. Over my chin and jawline. Making me have to repeat the process all over again. "You're amazing." He breathed. I shook my head and rested it against his chest again. Hoping it would cool my skin.

"Stop that.." I whispered. I could sense him smiling.

"I mean it." He said in all seriousness. I gently kissed his chest before resting my head back on it.

"I love you so much." I whispered. Barely audible.

"And I love you." He said. We spun around slowly together for a while before I came to a decision.

"I change my mind."

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to go to the movies tonight. Not tonight." I said, running my fingers over his neck. He nodded in compliance as I knew he would.

"What do you want to do?" He asked. I thought for a while longer.

"Mmm, let's keep dancing.." I said, almost dreamily.

"For as long as you'd like." My boyfriend said. I closed my eyes and rested against him. Letting the sad songs take me away. Feeling nothing but the gentle fingertips on the small of my back.

"Bella?" Edward whispered. His voice sounded slightly muffled as he had his face buried into me.

"Mmm?"

"Are you in a good mood right now?" He asked innocently. What an odd question. I nodded, however. Giving him an honest answer to his question. I could hardly be happier.

"Mhmm.." I whispered, as though I had just woken up.

"I have something to confess..And you have to promise not to get mad." He said in a rather worried tone. I frowned, but didn't lift my head."

"What now?" I muttered. Edward chuckled. Then there was a bit of silence before he began to speak.

"You didn't promise." He said carefully. I furrowed my brows and kept my eyes closed. Carefully weighing the situation. I was too peaceful right now to be angry for any reason.

"I promise." I said evenly. Edward sighed. The thought of him having to gather confidence to speak to me was rather humorous.

"I bought the Mercedes off of Rosalie." He said "...It's yours."


End file.
